From Dead Poet's Society - in reference to Walt Whitman - Tod is pushed to BE the poet that is inside of him, no matter WHAT intimidates him. Sometimes I am so filled with conflicting emotions that it hurts...I am physically overwhelmed by it. I don't put those emotions to much use. I just hide from them. But I am trying. This blog is as much for me as it is for you, really. It is a place that I can put those big, big feelings into perspective. If I write for you, than I am not hiding from them. And maybe, just maybe, what I write will strike a chord with you and you won't have to live this way. I also want to remember that all of those feelings/fears mean nothing if I don't ACT. I need to DO if I want to feel productive and healthy. Nobody "thinks" themselves into a better place.
I woke up today feeling bludgeoned. I don't know why. Maybe it was just that I was deeply asleep and then pulled from it. But there is a core of fear inside today. Just nervous. So...I am sitting at my desk - NOT laying on my bed. And I am going to go outside today - it is more than perfect out. And I am going to a meeting and I am bringing you to TaeKwondo. So, yeah. Lots to do today. Just need to stop...waiting for life, hiding from life.
I know that this entry won't make any sense. That's okay. All I really want you to know that the randomness in my head isn't your fault. I love you my girls.
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2 comments:
Found you from the Everyone Needs Therapy blog. Your posts make sense to me because I read them and I know my girlfriend goes thru these same struggles. Its made our relationship hard recently, and I'm just trying to keep the faith, in her, in myself and in us.
Good luck, you're not alone.
Wow, thanks ryno. I didn't expect anyone to ever read this! Thanks for your support and for commenting. Hang in there with your girlfriend and remember that you need to take care of you too.
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